The ways in which the universe conspires to kill us

To the right is a black hole streaming violent jets of radiation making life rather miserable for inhabitants of the two galaxies (the two pink splotches).

But our universal neighbors who have been vaporized for the past million years need not worry. This event is only temporary. The jet of radiation will only last for another 10,000,000 to 100,000,000 more years.

Oh, so this is what they mean by "war on Christmas". I get it now.

Every once in a great while I will read something that is so incredibly stupid that I feel my brain slowly dry up thus impeding the release of neurons to the rest of my body. With what little strength I then have, I run my face under hot water, get the blood flowing once again, and proceed with my life, happy in knowing that at least I'm not this much of an asshole.

I really don't have the energy to breakdown all of this nonsense for arguing against recognition of Christmas in the workplace, but I have to chuckle at this line in particular:

"Forcing people to take the day off requires everyone to run their work life around this holiday in a way they might not have chosen for themselves."

Wow. Complaining about taking a day off? Listen if my company wanted to give me Hajj off this week, you're damn right I would take it.

What I find most objectionable about this piece is this notion that Christmas is exclusively for Christians. As a non-Christian (actually non-everything if we're talking about ancient superstitious nonsense) I will be enjoying the 31st non-Christian Christmas of my lifetime next week. This will involve things I enjoy such as cooking and eating well-prepared meals, giving and receiving gifts, and spending time with my mother who will be very happy to see me. Although not for some people, I even like the cold northeast weather this time of year and welcome snow. There is nothing about any of the aforementioned things that needs to be construed as explicitly Christian, nor do any of these things require believing anything on insufficient evidence. These are merely human things that any member of our species can enjoy.

Now just because you happen to be brought up under other religious influences doesn't mean that you can't appreciate the human aspects of Christmas. Making the exception of the hardcore theocrats in this country, but certainly not from us godless heathens, is anyone forcing anybody to celebrate a holiday if they choose not to. I could care less what you do this time (or any time for that matter) of year. Just don't piss and moan because you feel excluded. And to be honest, I kind of like Christmas in my office because people bring in cookies, candies, and brownies for afternoon munchies this time of year. Do you have something against brownies? I would hope not.

Finally, if there's one thing people who think Christmas necessarily equals Christianity need to do is a little research. There's this great thing called the Internet where you can find out about this stuff. No group has bastardized the celebration of this season with false icons more than the Christians themselves who have hijacked previously pagan celebration in an effort to prop up their own dogma. With that in mind I shall sit down at the dinner table next Tuesday and cheer on the god Marduk as he does battle with the monsters of chaos.

What does Mike Huckabee have in common with Michael Vick?

A lot apparently. So it turns out the good ex-governor's son found a stray dog, hanged the dog, and then used his father's prestige and piety to cover up the whole morbid incident, proving once again that religion does not make you behave better.

Need more reasons not to like the current Republican front-runner for president. Here are 10.

Oh, and here's Huck stating that caring about the environment (you know, those nasty, malicious, up-to-no-good environmentalists) has fragmented our society. But hey, when you don't know how old the Earth is, and think god created everything, it's easy to assume that god will put the environment right again without the intervention of a band of dope-smoking hippies

And while we're at it, lets please have more of this. Enough already.

"It's that when they are even slightly criticized for their absurd opinions, they can squeal as if being martyred and act as if they are truly being persecuted."

I can't believe we won

First off, let me say I'm shocked by the Eagles' win over Dallas on Sunday. We couldn't have picked a better opponent to get us off the schneid. Hey, where's that defense been all season?

However not all was well for me in Eagleland. Mr. Brian Westbrook, top Eagle and top performer of the Village Hipsters (my fantasy football squad), took a knee at the goalline at the end of the game - rather than go for the easy touchdown - in order for the Eagles to simply run out the clock and not give Dallas the ball back at the end of the game. Granted, I'll concede this was a smart move, however had he scored Dallas would have been down 17-6 with under two minutes and no timeouts, so a win was virtually guaranteed anyway. UNFORTUNATELY (for me), by not walking one more foot and scoring, my fantasy football team was cost 6 points. Coincidentally, I lost my playoff game by 6 points, thus ending any chance I had of winning $600. But I know I'm not a lone here. Here's an interesting break down of the overall economic impact of this wise but costly decision by the Eagles Pro Bowl running back.

"Westbrook’s decision, solely in fantasy football terms, influenced 200,000 leagues times $125, for a total impact of $25 million"