Dur...I'm Plaxico Burress...

...and I shot myself in the thigh. I'm a fucking dumbass. Durrrrr.

It's not like he needs either leg to, um, play football or anything.

Seriously, if you're getting paid millions of dollars to play football why are you going to any place where you feel the need to carry a gun? And this is the guy who caught the game-winning catch in the Super Bowl. Damn, I hate the Giants!